


Touch

by maliaz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Affection, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Public Display of Affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 13:25:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16368446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maliaz/pseuds/maliaz
Summary: Where Felix has a problem with affection and Changbin wants to be the one to help him with it.





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys, I just wanted to point out that I gave my all in the writing bc english is not my first language so pls appreciate it.

He was very nervous that day, but there was nothing he could do about it. Actually, there was something, but he did not think anyone would want to do that with him. It was weird. He didn’t want to bother anyone with his problems.

This morning, Felix was especially anxious because of the group's comeback performance tomorrow, it would be the first of a month full of them, but he was still nervous, it was always like that. He hadn’t managed to eat much, he was a bit nauseous that day. He knew he just needed to relax a little and everything would be fine, but for some reason it was difficult to do this that day.

His hands were itching to hold someone's hand, but he knew they would find it weird. Everyone always thought so.

He couldn’t remember when it started, but from a very young age he always liked to hold the hands of others and to hug them as well. But it's not like it is for everyone else, with him it had to be done all the time. It was something that comforted him. His mother took him to a psychologist as a child because he was crying when she could not give her hand for him to hold. The doctor just said what they had already suspected: he was comforted by affection, specifically to hold hands and hug people, and it would cause him to get very anxious if he couldn’t do it often.

Whether he needed a hug or o hold hands depended heavily on how he felt the day. If it was really bad, he would usually want hugs, but if medium or low, only hands would be enough.

He grew up doing it with his friends, since he did not understand that this kind of thing could make someone uncomfortable, he always thought everyone was like him about this sort of thing. But as he was growing he began to hear the comments that people made about it. They said he was immature and that he would stick to you like glue and that everyone should stay away from him. He lost all his friends. The mothers of the boys said they did not want him around their children.

All this because he enjoyed affection a little more than others.

This morning his nervousness was high, but for some reason, his hands tingled. He wanted to hold someone's hand. No matter who it was. He knew that if he asked, no would mind and even Chan would not care much. There was also Woojin, who was always very loving to the younger boys.

But fact was, he already had someone in mind. Changbin.

The problem was that, although they were very close and clingy in front of the cameras, it was not like that in real life. Felix thought the other would probably be uncomfortable with the affections and could even find him weird because of it, so he didn’t do that much. In fact, even in front of the cameras, Felix was usually the one who starts it all. Changbin had never refused, on the contrary, he always accepted his hugs and jokes, but for him, it was just that, jokes. While for Felix, it meant more.

They would all have to go to dance practice and Felix was not too excited for it, which was already strange enough. He usually loved to dance, but today was not being a good day. He wanted to stay home and cuddle with his pillow.

But life was not so easy and he had to go anyway. The first two hours were the most difficult, because he could not take his head from the need he felt, but then the fatigue was taking over and soon all he could think about was how he wanted to rest and eat something.

When it was a little after noon, they decided they could stop and have lunch. They ate in the cafeteria of the company itself, where even fans were allowed. There weren’t many of them today, only a few here and there, who did not have enough courage to go talk to the group. Felix would not mind if they had gone to talk to him, or take a picture, he liked those moments.

They all sat at a large table in the corner and ate in silence. Felix ate his food quickly and was silent even afterwards, waiting for the others to finish. He was not in the mood for conversation and the others were busy eating.

Chan seemed to have noticed his bad mood, because he looked worried. Felix knew that soon the leader would want to talk to him about it, not there in front of others, of course, but when they got home. Chan, as the leader, had to worry about others, even when they did not want him to do so.

Felix would tell him about the dependence thing today. He could not take it anymore. Maybe Chan could help in any way.

Felix did not notice that Chan had not been the only one to notice that he was not feeling well. Changbin was watching everything from across the table, looking between the younger boy and the leader and saw as the Australian rolled his eyes. Changbin was a bit jealous of Chan now. Since he was the leader, it would not be strange to talk about more personal things with the boy, but with Changbin things could be uncomfortable. He did not know if the younger would want to talk to him, and he had no authority to make the boy talk. It simply would not work, or at least, that's what Changbin thought.

 

***

 

They came home all tired, but had the rest of the day off, so all of them went straight to their rooms to clean up and rest. Felix was also tired and was not going to wait for Chan to come talk to him, maybe he would talk to him tomorrow.

He was going to his room when he sees the blonde coming his way.

“Let's talk a bit, okay?” said Chan while already entering in the younger boy’s room, waiting for him to follow along.

Felix closed the door and sat on his bed while Chan sat in a chair facing the younger.

“Spit it out,” he said, outspokenly. “C’mon.”

Felix took a deep breath.

“I just have a little problem and I'm stressed because of that little problem,” he said. “Nothing more. I can deal with it alone.”

“I'll judge whether you can actually handle it alone or not,” Chan said, with a serious and penetrating tone. “I need to know what the problem is first.”

Felix hesitated. He promised himself he would tell Chan, but he was nervous. He had already suffered so much because others knowing ... he just wanted things to be different after he moved to Korea.

“I have affection dependency…” he whispered. He didn’t have the courage to speak up and was afraid someone outside would hear.

“What?” Chan said, making a confused expression.

“Dependence affection” he repeated louder, but not enough for someone besides the two to hear. “Okay then, I said it, do not make me repeat that, please.”

Chan was surprised, but also seemed very confused.

“You don’t know what it is, right?” Felix asked, despite knowing the answer.

Chan nodded, conforming.

“I kind of need to receive… affection… if not I get very anxious and do not feel very well.” he explained. “For me, affection is like a form of comfort. It can get to the point that my hands tingle if anyone is around and I can’t hold their hand ... I just ... It's pretty immature I know, but I can’t do anything. You also don’t have to deal with it, I'll try to solve it somehow... It's embarrassing, I know...”

“It's not embarrassing.” Chan interrupted. “We all have our problems, Felix.”

“But...”

“Jeongin is still afraid of the dark, you know that.” he said. “Do you think he should be ashamed of it?”

“No.”  he replied simply. Felix really did not care, no one cared about it. Everyone thought it was even cute the fact that he slept with a little light.

“Then why are you thinking that about yourself? Come here.” he said, opening his arms for a hug.

Felix hesitated for a few seconds, but finally was meeting with the oldest. Having a body against his finally left him relieved. He had not noticed how tense he had been these last few days until he felt his muscles relax.

“Whenever you need comfort, you can ask my help, okay?” he said. “I don’t care about it, actually, I love hugs!”

Felix smiled through his tears. He didn’t even realize that he had begun to cry. He was so happy. Chan was the first person he had met who had not found his need weird and mocked him. Chan had understood and made no offensive jokes and had even offered his help. Felix was really happy.

 

***

 

At the weeks after his revelation to Chan, the two were always together. Because of his celebrity lifestyle, stress was unfortunately part of his daily life, and so was his little necessity. Chan was needed around to at least hold his hand a few times during the day to be able to soothe him. It was efficient, and no one thought anything about it, since everyone knew that the two Australians have always been very close.

Changbin was the one who had liked the situation very much.

He had heard the conversation between the two, weeks ago without meaning to. He was going to talk to Chan about a song he was composing when he heard Felix talk behind the door. He could not help it and just listened to it a little more. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, but curiosity was killing him at the time, he only thought about the consequences after he had gone to his room. He felt guilty for having heard such a personal conversation.

But what this feeling was stronger. This _jealousy_.

Chan and Felix were practicing, Chan was teaching Felix how to produce music and they were holding hands. He knew he should not feel that way. Chan was helping Felix. The younger boy was probably nervous to be learning something new and the leader was just trying to calm him down. He should not be jealous of it, he should be grateful for Felix to have someone with whom he could count on that way, but it was not how he felt and he could not help it. His heart did not hear him.

He wanted to be in the older man’s place. He wanted to be the one there, holding Felix’ hand, teaching him how to produce. He wished he could laugh with him when he was doing something right and comfort when doing something wrong. He wished he could do much more than just look at it from afar.

But he could not. Felix did not like him that way. Changbin knew that.

But he could not be still more. He needed to be sure that there was nothing between the two. He _needed_ to know.

After practicing, they had all gone home and were watching a movie. Chan and Felix were beside each other as always and were almost holding each other on the couch. Changbin could not stand to watch it, he needed to do something.

“Felix, go get some popcorn for me.” he asked.

“But there's no popcorn.” the younger boy said, without taking his eyes off the television.

“So, make some.” he tried.

The boy did not seem too convinced to obey at that time.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I'm older than you.” said, hoping that the boy simply shut up and obey him already.

“And since when you use that against someone?”

“Since now.” Changbin said.

Finally, Felix decided to obey, but not without making a face at the older boy. He got up and went to the kitchen.

Not long after that, Changbin followed him.

“I thought you asked me to make popcorn for you.” said Felix, seeing the older boy enter the chicken.

“I just came to ask you something.” he said, without ado.

“And if I don’t want to answer?”

“You will answer.” he said. He knew Felix would respond that at least to deny everything. Changbin just needed to know if he was lying or not, since he was a really bad liar.

“Okay... What is it?”

The rapper hesitated for a few seconds. Should he really be asking this kind of thing?

It was too late now.

“Is there something between you and Chan?” he asked.

Changbin was nervous and the other boy had not even answered his question yet.

The boy looked surprised. He spent a few seconds in silence. That did not seem to be a good sign for Changbin. He might be thinking of a lie to tell the oldest.

“We're not dating or anything if that's what you’re asking me...” the youngest replied quietly, probably afraid that someone, especially the leader, would hear him. “I don’t know where you even had the idea that we could be having something going on.”

He did not seem to be lying. Changbin immediately felt the weight on his chest ease. They really were not together. Not that he would do anything if they were, he would have accepted eventually, but this way it hurt less, far less. He was being selfish, he knew that, but Changbin wanted to be able to enjoy the little time he had of not seeing Felix with somebody else.

“You two have been so close lately...” he whispered, but it was loud enough for the other boy to hear.

“He's just helping me with something.”

Changbin felt guilty knowing what he was talking about.

“Yeah, I know.” he admitted. “I heard the conversation between you two without the intention...”

Felix did not seem too happy to hear that. In fact, his expression changed from curiosity to fear and sadness very quickly.

Changbin had fucked everything up.

“Felix, I'm really sorry.” he began to apologize. “I did not mean to! I was going to talk to Chan and heard through the door, forgive me...”

“It's alright.” he was interrupted by the younger. “The others would end up realizing that something was wrong with me anyway. This way is easier, I don’t need to explain anything.”

“There's nothing wrong with you, Felix.” Changbin said. “I actually think it's pretty cute...”

“You think I'm cute?!” Felix interrupted him.

_Wait_. He should not have said that.

Changbin could no longer find words to say anything after that so he just nodded, conforming.

The two then looked at each other for a few seconds, but Changbin lowered his head first. He really wanted to kiss Felix now, but couldn’t do it. Keep looking at him only worsened his need.

He was ready to go back to the room when the Australian boy called.

“Wait,” said. “Now I'm the one who needs to ask a question.”

“What is it?”

Felix came closer.

“Can I kiss you?”

He felt goosebumps all over with that question. He was not expecting it and, for a few seconds, he was silent, not knowing what to do.

“Is this a no?” Felix asked, worried.

“Yes!” he said. “I mean no... wait... yes...”

He could not finish the sentence because Felix had already sealed their lips together. The younger boy’s lips were full and soft and the feeling of having them against his was even better than he had imagined. All his fantasies could never compare with the reality of kissing Felix. The kiss was simple but Changbin was already out of breath. His hands were gripping on the dancer’s shirt. He would not let go. He didn’t want this moment to ever end.

Felix on the other hand seemed to want to deepen the kiss. He was pulling Changbin closer, if that was possible, almost _hugging_ him. He had imagined this moment for so long, he couldn’t believe it was really happening. He did not know where he had taken all that courage but did not regret it one bit. He was happy to have made the first move, should’ve done it a long time ago.

As much as they wanted to stay together longer, they had to separate because they were out of breath.

“It was a yes.” Changbin said, for lack of what to say.

Felix laughed. It was good to be the cause of that smile.

“Let’s go back.” Changbin said. “The others will find it strange that we are here already it’s been fifteen minutes.

“And what about the popcorn?” asked Felix.

“Forget the popcorn.” he answered. “I'm already satisfied.”

Felix smiled with the rapper’s provocation.

They left the kitchen together and sat on the ground to finish watching the movie. This time, Felix sat next to Changbin and held _his_ hand.

Chan smiled to see the two together. Everything was fine in his family again.


End file.
